fredag den 14. september 2012

Druamu stuff I want to say

I felt as if I would somehow feel better if I wrote all of this down. Also to explain my current and near future behavior to friends, if they want the long version of course,  haha.

Also I must apologize for spelling mistakes! The program I'm using doesn't have spell control or any useful function besides letting me type on a digital paper...

Anyway to the point. I was diagnozed with very high metabolism around febuary/early march. I did have a few symptoms before, but none of the caused me to go to the doctor. I got very dizzy at work for no reason and nearly fainted. I'm usually the type that just wants to walk things off no matter what is wrong, but I could feel in my body that something was definatly wrong, too wrong to just walk it of. So I got an appointment and they took some blood samples and I continued to be dizzy and started also so have nervouse traits. My hands and body would shake and I was always at unease - of course I could be that I just became more aware of my body after the shock with what happened at work. Without knowing it I had also lost a lot of weight and hair. The samples came back and like I said it was too high metabolism and very low count of Vitamine D.

My doctor gave me a perscription and I was to eat a pill for metabolism every day and one for Vitamine D. Two weeks later I went for a check up and had to eat two pills a day since nothing was happening. Again two weeks later or so I had to go again and waas told to eat three pills a week. I would get very upset everytime I was told to eat more pills. There has never been anything "wrong" with me and now to be told that I had an illness that could - if not treated - threaten my life. During this time I also noticed that my heart rate kept increasing. My normal pulse would lie around the 100 beats pr minute, often above. My heart also to skip beats irregularly. I was told if it continued I would have to be emitted to a hospital just in case.

I went to another city to get a scintigrafi (not sure of the english name, but I think its just scintigraphy) of my thyroid - which had grown to an unatural size due the high production of metabolism hormons. It wasn't until later that I realized how unhelpful my doctor had been. I had gotten a paper for the scan with no date on it so I didn't show up for it and it caused a whole deal of mess. I tried to rescheduel with the Odense department, but they told me to call my own doctor, which I did and he told me the opposite. Finaly the woman I spoke to in Odense said she would call my doctor to get him to send the papers for a new appointment to them.

So yes I got the scan it took forever for my doctor here to remember that he had me as patient - of course he had a lot of other patients to think of and take care of, but it had become a habit for him/them for forget to call me in to keep a check on the metabolism so I asumed it wasn't needed. But yes I called him again and he said that there was no need for other treatment than medication at the moment and that there were no lumps or cancer in it and that was great. He also would recomment me to a specialist at the city hospital as my eyes had started to become more and more swollen. But he was very laid back with it as he had been with the entire course of this, which was nice really, it felt as if it wasn't as bad and that I didn't really have anything to worry about, but in the end it all came back to bite me in the butt. And that recommondation also took quite a while as well.

But when I got there my new doctor there said something had to be done immediatly about my eyes. She went to fetch a more experienced doctor who actually asked me what I was doing later as he would see that I was emitted to the hospital that very day to an IVU I think its called (the one where the have medicin in a bag of.. water and it enters you body through the vains in you hand/arm) since my eyes were in a pretty bad state. I would also have to go on a sickleave for three weeks (and emitted once a week for the IVU) and stay too long on the computer, not watch too many movies or TV shows and not focus on the subtitle when I did watch them. Always wear sunglasses outside now matter how weak the sun was and so on and so on.
Shocked I did as they said and tried my best to stay away from temptations. And this was in in May I believe. Since then I hadn't heard a word from my private/state doctor nor did I hear anything from him after unless I contacted him.

But yes I did as they said and she also ordered a CT scan of my eyeballs to check the swelling behind it and a ... well not special scan, but she made an appointment for some specialists to have a look at me, the wait list was just very long. She booked it in June I think and I got the appointment the 7th of September.
My metabolism actually fell a bit during that time, I was down on two pills a day, but had to go back to three. But then things just went downhill from there. I went to the hospital to take some samples in connection to the examination in September and within two days or so after she called me on her own cellphone (such a nice woman) and asked if I could come back and take some new ones. The numbers showed an alarming increse of my metabolism and I was instructed to eat six pills every day. This was two weeks ago.

I am to eat six pills a day for one more week counting from today. But then one week ago I had that examination. The doctors were very nice and communicated in a way so that I was at ease, but also aware of the situation. Ask a lot of questions and poked around my eyes and thyroid for a bit.

And now for the big news.

He said that I was too sick for medication to actually do anything for me at this point. More drastic methods have to be used.
I wouldn't the the radioactive iodine treatment as it would just mess up my eyes even more. I will undergo a lazer treatment on a course of ten days. Its a relatively risk free procedurem but it might increase my chances of getting cataracts when I get older, but it is also treatable so I'm not too worried about that one.

He also said that surgery is needed and needed soon. I don't know how soon in doctor language means, but I think it will be around October or November at the latest. He can't decide on hiw own if I need surgery or not, but he would contact my hospital doctor and tell her the results and basically have her book me for surgery.
They will remove almost all, if not the entire thyroid and I will then have too low metabolism for the rest of my life, but it is much easier to keep at a normal level with medication so that is good.
He also recommended strongly that I would stop at the University as it will be very very difficult for me to concentrate and remember my homework. But it was up to me in the end and I have chosen to stay and fight. I have only been there for two weeks now, but I love it there. My classmates are wonderful and we only have one really boring teacher. The facilities are great and  I just spent a fortune on books. I'm even moving closer to the University - the big/last moving day is today - to this great appartment!

As  shocked I am to hear that I was much sicker than I thought and that I have to undergo surger, I know it will get better. It takes up a lof of my time and energy, but I will get through this. I'm very upset with my private doctor and how he treated me... or well neglected to treat me. Again I didn't realize this until later, well until it was too late bascially.
EVERYWHERE both me and my mother have read on the web, patients with too high metabolism are given a high dose of medication as a start and then go down, my case was reverse. And everyone online has said the same, be it sites where Doctors explain the course of the illness or if its patients who explain it, its all the same. High dose and then down.

I can't help thinking that if he had given me the right dose at the beginning, it might not have come to this. I could have been spared all I've been through and put my sister and friends through.
This whole ordeal with the metabolism - since it started - has probably been the most difficult thing in my life. Its really difficult to live with all the hormones raging around in my body (and I can only imagine how difficult it has been for my sister to live with a hormone monster). I have the most ridicilouos moodswings and whatever selfesteem I had gathered is long gone. And I feel it all could have been avoided if I had gotten the right dose of medication form the start and that he had done his job properly and called me to check ups instead of just ignoring/neglecting me after I got to the hospital. Of course it could be that there was something special with my case that caused him to give me the low dose, but it just doesn't make sense to me.

But with that being said, I have decided to devote all my main energy and most of my time on my studies. I have already had a bit of homework and it is difficult! Very difficult! I write several pages of notes for the most simple things and it takes forever to read texts I normally would just fly through and just remember instead of having to take notes to remember them. Its extremely time and energy consuming, but these past week as also been very hectic with moving and I just started school and I still have a part time job and then trying to figure out how I feel about the whole thing. So I'm exhausted all the time. It will get a little better when we've settled in the new place. I will most likely have to quit my beloved job at Gamestop even if its only twice a week, but I will see how that goes once we've settled down.
With that said, I will also take a distance from the computer as much as possible. Unfortunatly it means time away from most of my dear friends. It makes me incredibly sad to times, but its a comfort that all these dumb sideeffects from the metabolism might be over in six months time. Might. I will be more inactive and more distant from things like reading blogs and comment uploads and such (silly examples, but I hope they draw the picture for me). I will still be there thought! And I want to be there for my friends (So no excluding me if there is gossip or something like that  >) )  So yes I want to be there, but maybe not be there as much as I would like to or used to.
I will also put all current cosplays on standby and perhaps only focus on one. I really want to make the Twisted version of Aurora and plan to, but slowly. If I feel I have time and energy I might fiddle a bit with it, but will put it away as soon as I feel its stressing me.

I think that is all the explaination for now. I still suffer the moodswings so ... erm... heads up I guess.

TLDR version: I'm sicker than I thought and will undergo surgery and lazertreatment for my eyes. My private doctor most like didn't do his job well. I have chosen to fight my way through University, but not without common sense. I have moodswings and will not be online as much as I used to as I have decided to focus on my studies.

But it doesn't mean I won't be around. Surger, metabolism and lazers won't keep me at bay if my babies need me <3 <3 <3

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