tirsdag den 30. oktober 2012

Surgery date!!

I am scared senseless right now, but at the same time I am relieved.

Yesterday I was at a doctor's appointment to check up on my eyes. They are running their own show, but doing it nicely so thats good. But he seemed surprised to hear that I hadn't been through a pre-surgery examination yet and that the appointment I had for said appointment wasn't until the 16th of November. (my thyroid had grown agian) So he said that he would talk to the surgeons and have them move the surgery forward... I thought that it might just be a few days were were talking about here and that I would recive a letter to go to an examination on like the 13th of November instead.

No... that didn't happen. I was woken up this morning by a doctor asking me to come to the examination tomorrow, the 31st and that they have booked me for surgery the 9th of November. As in next Friday. As in, very very soon!

I threw a fit, phone my mum - who is a super hero again and is ordering her flight ticket right now. I love her so much! - threw another fit, ate, then dad phoned and cheered me up with his adorable lack of knowlegde on computers and how proud he was to have downloaded Skype on his new computer and then I phoned my sister. I love my family. Both my brothers also asked if they should come over. Buuh then I cried and now I'm writing a blog entry to vent!

So yes, I am scared. I will probably be weird and moody for 10 days and freak out every once in a while. But I am also happy and relived to finally have a date on this thing. I am happy that my doctor takes me seriously and seems to understand what I'm going through.  I can't wait to be done with this whole metabolism thing, I know there will still be a few more months, maybe a year, before things go back to normal, but the biggest step will soon be taken! Dun dun duuun!

Shotest entry I ever wrote! Yes!

fredag den 14. september 2012

Druamu stuff I want to say

I felt as if I would somehow feel better if I wrote all of this down. Also to explain my current and near future behavior to friends, if they want the long version of course,  haha.

Also I must apologize for spelling mistakes! The program I'm using doesn't have spell control or any useful function besides letting me type on a digital paper...

Anyway to the point. I was diagnozed with very high metabolism around febuary/early march. I did have a few symptoms before, but none of the caused me to go to the doctor. I got very dizzy at work for no reason and nearly fainted. I'm usually the type that just wants to walk things off no matter what is wrong, but I could feel in my body that something was definatly wrong, too wrong to just walk it of. So I got an appointment and they took some blood samples and I continued to be dizzy and started also so have nervouse traits. My hands and body would shake and I was always at unease - of course I could be that I just became more aware of my body after the shock with what happened at work. Without knowing it I had also lost a lot of weight and hair. The samples came back and like I said it was too high metabolism and very low count of Vitamine D.

My doctor gave me a perscription and I was to eat a pill for metabolism every day and one for Vitamine D. Two weeks later I went for a check up and had to eat two pills a day since nothing was happening. Again two weeks later or so I had to go again and waas told to eat three pills a week. I would get very upset everytime I was told to eat more pills. There has never been anything "wrong" with me and now to be told that I had an illness that could - if not treated - threaten my life. During this time I also noticed that my heart rate kept increasing. My normal pulse would lie around the 100 beats pr minute, often above. My heart also to skip beats irregularly. I was told if it continued I would have to be emitted to a hospital just in case.

I went to another city to get a scintigrafi (not sure of the english name, but I think its just scintigraphy) of my thyroid - which had grown to an unatural size due the high production of metabolism hormons. It wasn't until later that I realized how unhelpful my doctor had been. I had gotten a paper for the scan with no date on it so I didn't show up for it and it caused a whole deal of mess. I tried to rescheduel with the Odense department, but they told me to call my own doctor, which I did and he told me the opposite. Finaly the woman I spoke to in Odense said she would call my doctor to get him to send the papers for a new appointment to them.

So yes I got the scan it took forever for my doctor here to remember that he had me as patient - of course he had a lot of other patients to think of and take care of, but it had become a habit for him/them for forget to call me in to keep a check on the metabolism so I asumed it wasn't needed. But yes I called him again and he said that there was no need for other treatment than medication at the moment and that there were no lumps or cancer in it and that was great. He also would recomment me to a specialist at the city hospital as my eyes had started to become more and more swollen. But he was very laid back with it as he had been with the entire course of this, which was nice really, it felt as if it wasn't as bad and that I didn't really have anything to worry about, but in the end it all came back to bite me in the butt. And that recommondation also took quite a while as well.

But when I got there my new doctor there said something had to be done immediatly about my eyes. She went to fetch a more experienced doctor who actually asked me what I was doing later as he would see that I was emitted to the hospital that very day to an IVU I think its called (the one where the have medicin in a bag of.. water and it enters you body through the vains in you hand/arm) since my eyes were in a pretty bad state. I would also have to go on a sickleave for three weeks (and emitted once a week for the IVU) and stay too long on the computer, not watch too many movies or TV shows and not focus on the subtitle when I did watch them. Always wear sunglasses outside now matter how weak the sun was and so on and so on.
Shocked I did as they said and tried my best to stay away from temptations. And this was in in May I believe. Since then I hadn't heard a word from my private/state doctor nor did I hear anything from him after unless I contacted him.

But yes I did as they said and she also ordered a CT scan of my eyeballs to check the swelling behind it and a ... well not special scan, but she made an appointment for some specialists to have a look at me, the wait list was just very long. She booked it in June I think and I got the appointment the 7th of September.
My metabolism actually fell a bit during that time, I was down on two pills a day, but had to go back to three. But then things just went downhill from there. I went to the hospital to take some samples in connection to the examination in September and within two days or so after she called me on her own cellphone (such a nice woman) and asked if I could come back and take some new ones. The numbers showed an alarming increse of my metabolism and I was instructed to eat six pills every day. This was two weeks ago.

I am to eat six pills a day for one more week counting from today. But then one week ago I had that examination. The doctors were very nice and communicated in a way so that I was at ease, but also aware of the situation. Ask a lot of questions and poked around my eyes and thyroid for a bit.

And now for the big news.

He said that I was too sick for medication to actually do anything for me at this point. More drastic methods have to be used.
I wouldn't the the radioactive iodine treatment as it would just mess up my eyes even more. I will undergo a lazer treatment on a course of ten days. Its a relatively risk free procedurem but it might increase my chances of getting cataracts when I get older, but it is also treatable so I'm not too worried about that one.

He also said that surgery is needed and needed soon. I don't know how soon in doctor language means, but I think it will be around October or November at the latest. He can't decide on hiw own if I need surgery or not, but he would contact my hospital doctor and tell her the results and basically have her book me for surgery.
They will remove almost all, if not the entire thyroid and I will then have too low metabolism for the rest of my life, but it is much easier to keep at a normal level with medication so that is good.
He also recommended strongly that I would stop at the University as it will be very very difficult for me to concentrate and remember my homework. But it was up to me in the end and I have chosen to stay and fight. I have only been there for two weeks now, but I love it there. My classmates are wonderful and we only have one really boring teacher. The facilities are great and  I just spent a fortune on books. I'm even moving closer to the University - the big/last moving day is today - to this great appartment!

As  shocked I am to hear that I was much sicker than I thought and that I have to undergo surger, I know it will get better. It takes up a lof of my time and energy, but I will get through this. I'm very upset with my private doctor and how he treated me... or well neglected to treat me. Again I didn't realize this until later, well until it was too late bascially.
EVERYWHERE both me and my mother have read on the web, patients with too high metabolism are given a high dose of medication as a start and then go down, my case was reverse. And everyone online has said the same, be it sites where Doctors explain the course of the illness or if its patients who explain it, its all the same. High dose and then down.

I can't help thinking that if he had given me the right dose at the beginning, it might not have come to this. I could have been spared all I've been through and put my sister and friends through.
This whole ordeal with the metabolism - since it started - has probably been the most difficult thing in my life. Its really difficult to live with all the hormones raging around in my body (and I can only imagine how difficult it has been for my sister to live with a hormone monster). I have the most ridicilouos moodswings and whatever selfesteem I had gathered is long gone. And I feel it all could have been avoided if I had gotten the right dose of medication form the start and that he had done his job properly and called me to check ups instead of just ignoring/neglecting me after I got to the hospital. Of course it could be that there was something special with my case that caused him to give me the low dose, but it just doesn't make sense to me.

But with that being said, I have decided to devote all my main energy and most of my time on my studies. I have already had a bit of homework and it is difficult! Very difficult! I write several pages of notes for the most simple things and it takes forever to read texts I normally would just fly through and just remember instead of having to take notes to remember them. Its extremely time and energy consuming, but these past week as also been very hectic with moving and I just started school and I still have a part time job and then trying to figure out how I feel about the whole thing. So I'm exhausted all the time. It will get a little better when we've settled in the new place. I will most likely have to quit my beloved job at Gamestop even if its only twice a week, but I will see how that goes once we've settled down.
With that said, I will also take a distance from the computer as much as possible. Unfortunatly it means time away from most of my dear friends. It makes me incredibly sad to times, but its a comfort that all these dumb sideeffects from the metabolism might be over in six months time. Might. I will be more inactive and more distant from things like reading blogs and comment uploads and such (silly examples, but I hope they draw the picture for me). I will still be there thought! And I want to be there for my friends (So no excluding me if there is gossip or something like that  >) )  So yes I want to be there, but maybe not be there as much as I would like to or used to.
I will also put all current cosplays on standby and perhaps only focus on one. I really want to make the Twisted version of Aurora and plan to, but slowly. If I feel I have time and energy I might fiddle a bit with it, but will put it away as soon as I feel its stressing me.

I think that is all the explaination for now. I still suffer the moodswings so ... erm... heads up I guess.

TLDR version: I'm sicker than I thought and will undergo surgery and lazertreatment for my eyes. My private doctor most like didn't do his job well. I have chosen to fight my way through University, but not without common sense. I have moodswings and will not be online as much as I used to as I have decided to focus on my studies.

But it doesn't mean I won't be around. Surger, metabolism and lazers won't keep me at bay if my babies need me <3 <3 <3

onsdag den 20. juni 2012

Hej! Hypokonderen her har fået et navn på hvad der fejler hende! Hoho! Graves sygdom.

Det er egentlig ”kun” for højt stofskifte hvor der så følger andre symptomer med. Rysten på hænderne, rastløshed, vægt tab på trods af øget appetit og problemer med øjnene. De ved desværre ikke helt hvorfor øjnene bliver påvirket, eller hvorfor Graves forekommer hos nogle. Vi fik udarbejdet en teori om at siden ingen andre i min familie har haft sygdommen at det nok kunne have været stress som udløste det.
Men! Heldigvis er mit stofskifte kommet under kontrol og går det rigtig vej. Jeg er endda gået ned i dosis med mine piller. Rart at endelig se resultater!

Så nu fokuserer lægerne på at få styr på mine øjne. Musklerne, vævet og senerne i øjet er alle hævede og når øjet ligger i en hule så kan det kun gå en vej og det er ud. Så for at jeg ikke skal ende med at ligne en mops hund skal jeg i forholdsvis seriøs behandling.
I tre uger skal jeg indlægges engang om ugen og ligge med drop. Jeg må så heller ikke side for meget ved en computer, TV eller læse bøger i for lang tid af gangen. All my nørd gaming feels!!! (så det har også lige taget noget tid at skrive det her haha)

Jeg er så lige kommet tilbage fra min første indlæggelse og hold da helt op hvor var det kedeligt. Bivirkningerne af medicinen tilbyder blandt andet at er at man bliver rastløs og får hedeture, så jeg har ikke ligefrem sovet i nat. Det føltes ofte som spild af tid, men hellere kede mig i 30 timer i træk og så få det overstået end at blive ved med at døje med sygdommen.
Der går dog nogle gang op til et halvt år før det hele falder på plads igen så jeg må fortsat bide tænderne sammen og kæmpe mig videre.
Sikke dramatisk jeg er hoho!

En sjov ting der skete var at jeg kunne ikke finde ud af at koordinere at gå rundt med drop stativet så jeg kom flere gange til at sparke det og måtte så pænt jagte stativet så droppet ikke blev flået ud. OTL

torsdag den 7. juni 2012

Frø og Peeta

Ho ho!
Jeg har endelig fået mig et kamera. Sådan et stort peberet et til lidt for mange penge. Men det er pengene værd! Ih hvor er det lækkert! Jeg har stadig meget at lære når det kommer til at tage billeder, men læreprocessen er rigtig sjov og spændende så jeg kan ikke vente til jeg skal ud næste gang og lege.

Jeg fik lokket min søster til at være model til et lille shoot, men det endte med at være mere billeder af mig… sådan er det når man cosplayer Edward Cullen. *melodramatisk suk*



<3 <3 <3

Udover at have så lækker en model –  seriously hun er bare så fantastisk til Peeta at det næsten gør ondt! – så fandt jeg en guldsmed og en frø. 
.....Frøer er seje! <3

Syntes de ligner lidt drager....

Sej lille en <3



mandag den 12. marts 2012

Frustrade rant

Amazing weekend was amazing! Had so much fun, ate so much and gained weight... and lost it again after a day (or so it feels like)

Speaking of losing weight (yes I will talk about bad stuff instead of the awesome weekend) A few weeks ago I suddenly got really dizzy at work and almost fainted. I felt ill and was shaking a bit, so I drank a lot of water and it got a little better. After the random incident, I started getting dizzy all the time, and thus I went to the doctor. There I found out that my metabolism is very high. It finally explained all my symptoms. I lost around 5 kilos in weigh without exercise or dieting, I shake a lot and get dizzy because my body just burns everything I eat instantly and I can’t really sleep because my heart beats really fast (it disturbs me when I try to sleep.) I also have a very low level of Vitamin D as well.

And now I eat pills every morning and I’ve come to terms with it (Never eaten pills before except allergy pills) and it’s not so bad if I get dizzy at home or when grocery shopping. I just sit down or go home.  B U T for some reason it always gets really bad whenever I’m in Gamestop! The last two times I’ve only managed to be there for an hour and then call my sister to come and take my shift. It’s really frustrating to not be able to be there AND have to call my sister on her days of! It really upsets me!


I guess there isn’t much I can do about it except eat food with a lot of fibres and bring something with me to eat at work.
.... Ranting and bringing my own solution to it... If anyone as any ideas to help it get better then please let me know! <3

On a bit happier news, I’m getting a camera! Either EOS 550D or EOS 500D *v*

   ~ All for now  ~

mandag den 16. januar 2012

Pre London

Ok I think the pre-London post will be fairly short as I can’t seem to concentrate properly. I guess I’m just too excited! Oh man! This will just be a trip I’ll remember forever, I just know it! It will be the first time I’ll travel to another country without any parents or adults around and the first time I’ll travel with friends! Also the first time I’ve been to London and I’ve never really heard anyone say they hate London, so that’s quite promising.

So right now I’m in the middle of trying to figure out what I can leave behind since my suitcase just seems so full already, but I can’t really see anything I can spare. I plan on buying most of the clothes there so I barely brought any and I need shoes so they can’t go either… that doesn’t leave much to leave behind really… oh life and it’s oh-so complicated problems!

   ~ All for now   ~

torsdag den 12. januar 2012

Dayly life

My dayly routine lately.
Wake up at around 10 in the morning, crawl out of bed and into the living room to turn on the internet and computer. Check E-mail, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Deviantart. Go on youtube find the next episode of Ghost adventures. Let the episode load for a while and listen to music from either Love never dies, Phantom of the opera or Les Misérables. Watch around three episodes. Get dressed, eat if I remember to, brush teeth and so on. Go to work. Spend five hours being ridiculously bored and playing solitary and other boring games. Go home, throw work clothes of (Bruse Almighty style) and change to PJ’s. Watch around three episodes of Ghost Adventures and listen to music from Love never dies, Phantom of the opera or Les Misérables. Go to bed.
Only tomorrow I have to double up on shifts. From one in the afternoon to half past five I have to be in Gamestop and then I have to run to the hotel and be there until ten in the evening. OTL
No Ghost adventures for me!

torsdag den 5. januar 2012

New Years... belated

A new year has started and I am a little late to address the topic about New Year resolutions and such, but here they are! Because everyone was anticipating them!!!! Desu.

So yeah basically my resolutions are to achieve a healthier lifestyle. Not to dramatically change my whole way of living, but small changes like not buying so much candy all the time. And I do… or did. My stomach is like a wormhole when it comes to candy and sweets. So yeah cut down on the candy usage and also to get some exercise. My asthma and knee prevent me from running, but I’ll start by actually doing the exercises I’m supposed to do to strengthen my knee and go for long walks and doing other exercises that don’t require me to run and to put too much weight on my knee. (So interesting I know!!)

And then my serious business resolution. I want to live more. There. So serious!!!

But really. I have experienced a lot of great things, but I always hesitate too much and always take the safe and sometimes boring path, instead of the exciting one. Not that I’m going to go nuts and not take any precautions, but just maybe differ from the safe path every once in a while.

I already started actually. Today I ordered and paid for three theater tickets for Les Misérables in London. It was a bit of a risky purchase because; first of all because I don’t have that much money and the tickets are exactly cheap and second  of all is that Ramin Karimloo who plays Jean Valjean miiiight not be there, but as far as I was able to read the ridiculously difficult message on their website he will be there.

Yes I’m a shallow person who goes in to see a world famous, wonderful, beautiful play because of one actor!!!

But yes that was my little story about how I’m starting to live a little more.

Also I will try and speak my mind a little more, I have made this resolution every year for several years, but I never seem to keep it. But I’ll try this time again. I’m more aware of how much damage it does to my mood and how I feel about myself, so hopefully that resolution will be kept.

And finally. I am so happy to have gotten to know some people more and made new friends this year. It has been amazing!! I don’t know what I would do without them! I’m so happy to have them as a part of my life and that they allow me to be a part of theirs! Every day I spend with them is a joy and I only wish it was more often!  Hopefully I will see them even more this year and make new wonderful memories <3

Anyway that is all for now and I’ll write another one soon.  One pre-London trip and one long as fuck (hopefully) post-London trip. Man I’m looking so much forward to that trip!

   ~   All for now   ~